Saturday, November 19, 2016

My Journal My Journey

November 19, 2016

Dear God,
Today has been kind of a crazy day.   Everyone around me is amazingly happy and are getting into Christmas, but for some reason this time of the year makes me very sad.  Yes, I am grateful for all that I have.  Man, I mean I have so many blessings.  A family that is healthy and a nonetheless a family.  That is so great.  I just don’t understand why my heart gets sore as we engage Christmas. I think it may be because I miss my folks.  Perhaps it’s the fact that they both had to suffer here on earth in body.  Its crazy I mean God sometimes I cannot understand the journey.  I accept it, but I don’t always have to understand it.

Earlier I was at the mall a little bit of retail therapy to sooth something.  When I got there, I saw all the Christmas decorations and I was still unsettled.  I just cannot seem to get into the spirit of Christmas, but then again, I never do.  I don’t understand it I really don’t.  My parents were Christmas to me and they always and I mean always made it special, but they are not here, but yet they are.   I can’t see their faces or hug them and I so know they are here, but yet I am so sad.  God I try and rationalize I mean I have children, grandchildren and life, but I have this deep sense of despair.   Is it grief?  No not at all I am sure of it.  I mean I am lucky right?  You have blessed me with so much. We have just have forgot about what the  true meaning of Christmas is. We have let all the fluff and commercialism of the Christmas season cloud what really is important in  our lives. 

Sometimes I guess I just wonder.  I wonder why are there so many negative and ungrateful people.  The world we live in is troubling so troubling.  Earlier today I was watching the Nature Channel.  I was watching ecosystems and animals living together.   They had personalities and they all lived together in harmony. As far as I know animals were here before we were and they are still here so that has to explain something, right?   That’s why I write to you God because I have grown to realize that you don’t judge and you are the creator of earth any way right?

They say the soul lasts forever right God?  Then why do we end up here in blood and bone?  Where do we go?  I know our soul does live outside of blood and bone because I have witnessed it.  My mother came as a butterfly in the summer for like two hours.   I was there when her soul left the blood and bone, but what perplexes me the most is the blood and bone.

As I said earlier I don’t understand God.  Why do people feel some sense of entitlement?  I mean you are alive a true blessing, right?  We all have a heart, lungs, kidneys a liver on the, inside, right?  So, what does it matter? Who cares right?  If we all have the same internal organs it makes us equal outside, right? I am just trying to understand the world we live in.  We all have a different genetic make up, right? So why is it that others on earth feel they are superior?   I mean there is one God  in every religion right?

I guess my only crime is loving everyone on earth.   The question I always ask you is why can't we love and respect each other?  When I was watching, the nature channel the animals coincided.  Why can’t we?

Anyway, ill keep praying for world peace God.  If I could have one prayer, please end the violence.   I love you and I always thank you for the guidance.