1 Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; 2 for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. 3 Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. 4 Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: 6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Naturally we want to protect our character if others attack it, but some of my actions were incomprehensible, however in my mind at the time they were justified. I mean they were attacking my character and trying to destroy my credibility and messing with my livelihood. This was affecting my family, my work and my zen.
About three years ago a woman whom used to work for me decided to fraudulently charge the company credit card with personal expenses and then covered it up. She later resigned. She was a friend that had worked for me in leadership positions at various corporations. Months after her resignation the fraud was unraveled by an employee auditing the charges. During the investigation of these charges, others in the organization were making assumptions and bashing my character eluding that I was colluding with her. The total fraud was approximately $2400.00. Not amount worth losing your job over. Nonetheless the reckless behavior by others continued and HR proceeded to interrogate me suggesting restricting my computer access. I mean this was preposterous right? Yes it was. The irony of it all is that the people who threw me under the bus were people I trusted the people I had lunch with my work confidants. An ultimate betrayal.
Feeling desperate to restore my credibility my hunger for revenge began. So many people fell prey to my revenge and my need to get even, but I felt vengeance when two people were fired. I thought I had won and I was ecstatic. But what really happened was that my continued hunger for revenge was my ultimate demise. Thinking back I should have just severed my relationship and moved on, but I spent three years consistently defending my credibility and sought vengeance to anyone who stood in my way. For awhile it worked, but when my mother fell ill I really started to evaluate my life and what was really important.
When my mother fell ill I looked to my faith to help me through it. I began to study the bible again and it was at that moment my hunger for revenge turned into starvation. I was feeling ashamed for avenging my enemies and knew it was time to extinguish the revenge. I knew that I no longer had to restore my character to anyone and that God will avenge my enemies as Psalm 37 describes above.
While my mother was ill some more noise was happening at work, but this time I took a different approach. I decided that I would no longer allow vengeance consume me in fact I didn't care because I am a child of the most high and he is the only one that can judge me. I know that by trusting him he will take care of my enemies. A blessing came, I was terminated with a generous package. I was able to spend the final days with my mother and then I was able to heal afterwards. I had absolutely no bitterness and when bitterness entered my mind I quickly pushed it away knowing my trust in God "for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away"
Months have passed since losing my job and I am seeing everything unravel. The truths have surfaced and all I had to do was put my trust in God. Now I put my consumption into faith as opposed to revenge. God vindicates, we have no reason too and there is immense solitude inside now. This has been one of the most difficult demons to face but it has been the most rewarding.