Wednesday, December 16, 2015

My Life is Like a Butterfly

The Christmas Chest 

I rummage through the Christmas tree decorations and I am paralyzed with many emotions.  There are forty six years of memories stored in my mother’s Christmas chest.  Many of the memories are of happiness, and love but this year it is somehow very different from all other Christmases.   My heart is broken and I feel incredibly broken, but I know that as much as I grieve my mother’s passing she is here watching over me and wishing the heartache will soon subside. I gaze at the decorated tree and know that I must continue the legacy that so many of us have come to enjoy over the years. Mother has let me know in subtle ways that she is here and I am sure that she will always be here.  Her gentle reminders from afar has made me well aware of that.

My life like a butterfly it is going through a complete metamorphosis. Perhaps this loss has made me more sensitive, or more aware of my surroundings, but it has definitely had a positive impact on my life.  I read recently that those who suffer incredible loss actually have the biggest hearts and I tend to believe it.  My faith in God has kept me grounded and it is because off my faith I have been fortunate enough to have subtle communications with my mother. The seeds that I sow inside of me are starting to blossom similar to that of a caterpillar into a butterfly. This is absolutely because of my trust in God.  He has given me the harvest of my inner seeds and I will possess all of the success and riches I desire.

As I transform I encounter naysayers and people who want to push me down. Letting them get me down or enabling them to stand in the way of my dreams is allowing negativity in my life.   I choose not to verbalize my disappointment to the naysayers because if I do then I have acknowledged the behavior.  So I quietly remind myself that my dreams will come to pass regardless of others trying to push me down.

Each day is a sacred gift more so than any gift under a tree. Being healthy and happy are true blessings.  A few weeks ago I was walking to work and there was a gentleman that was blind. He was turned around and kept walking in circles in a building downtown. He kept hitting the same wall with his walking stick.  I stood quietly and observed him. He cried out “Will someone please help me?”  I went over and said “I will help you.”  And then he said” Can I hold your arm.”  And I said “Of Course.”  I led him to security. I wept a few tears of gratitude.  I was able to see the beauty of this world something many of us take for granted.  It was at that moment another metamorphosis took place.

I decided that it was time to give back to others each day.  Whether it was to give someone a smile that was not having a great day, or handing out twenties to the homeless. Seeing the outpouring of happiness of others less fortunate is one of the most wonderful emotions one can experience if it is truly from the heart.  Yes sure there are so many that give, but are you doing it for the right reasons? Or are you giving to brag to others about what you have done?

This year my Christmas tree has incredible colors, memories and shimmering lights a metaphor and the promise of new memories and a colorful future. This year the tree is different than any other.